Thursday, July 12, 2007

Marriage Is a RESPONSIBILITY, Are You Ready for It

“They Say That Marriages are Made in HEAVEN. But So Are THUNDER & LIGHTNING.”

‘Marriage Is a Responsibility, Are You Ready for It?’

Lulwa Shalhoub, Arab News
http://arabnews. com/?page= 1§ion=0&article=95204&d=20&m=4&y=2007

JEDDAH, 20 April 2007 — With a high percentage of divorces in the Makkah region, which according to some experts has reached 62 percent, a series of lectures were recently held on premarital awareness that gave participants tips about marriage from a social, religious, psychological, health, intimate and genetic perspective.

The event, which was entitled “Marriage is a Responsibility, Are You Both Ready for It?,” aimed to tell prospective brides and grooms that marriage is a lifetime project that needs to be thought through before hand. The public event took place at the International Medical Center (IMC) in Jeddah.

Speaking at the lecture was Maha Fitaihi, from the Department of Social and Economic Development in the Makkah Region, who discussed the social aspect of marriage.

Dr. Abdulaziz Bou-Zrara, a clinical psychologist at IMC, detailed guidelines in matching couples. Bou-Zrara said that the couple must be compatible in their looks, culture, economic level and education. He also shed light on certain myths that people have about marriage, adding that people believe that there can be a perfect match; something which he say can never be.

Bou-Zrara said that even love does not make a happy couple. “It has been shown in the West that couples that decide to get married after being in a long and loving relationship, end their marriage in divorce,” he said, adding that during the nonmarital relationship, the couple see life from an idealistic point of view and end up spending their time talking romantically. After marriage, they are left shocked. “You can never know everything about the person you’re about to marry until you marry him or her,” he said.

Dr. Iman Al-Rumaihi, a family medicine consultant at IMC, said being healthy concerns both the body and soul. “Premarital tests should not only include medical aspects of the couple. We should take the age of the couple, their educational background, whether they were married before or have had previous relationships. This information is very important since if affects the consultation we give them,” she said.

The event also tackled the intimate aspects of marriage. “Without background knowledge on sexual relationships, spouses will feel little enthusiasm. This will cause hostility,” said Dr. Asmaa Zain Al-Abideen, a consultant at the same hospital. “We must deal with the issues in a scientific way without considering the subject to be a social taboo that everyone is embarrassed to talk about,” she added.

Dr. Zain Al-Abideen also spoke about some of the misunderstandings that exists between husbands and wives on their wedding nights. “Men think of wedding nights as a mission he needs to finish successfully to prove his masculinity. This is something that men hear from their friends that causes them to become nervous. Anxiety causes nervousness, which causes failure which again causes anxiety,” she said, adding that a husband may end up harming his wife because of this.

Dr. Zain Al-Abideen added that among the misconceptions that women have about the first night is that the experience is going to be exciting but at the same time painful and that she may severely bleed.She also gave tips on how to make the experience a happy one, and stressed that a man must be familiar with a woman’s biology. She also urged couples to consult specialist doctors before taking contraceptives. Some types of contraceptives are not suitable for all women while others cause side effects.

“Injections of progesterone hormone can be used as contraceptives to given every three months. Women who do not intend to postpone pregnancy for long times are not advised to use them since they might prevent ovulation for a whole year in addition to instabilities in the monthly period and weight increase,” said Dr. Zain Al-Abideen. She concluded by saying that ignorance needs to be treated by n acquisition of knowledge.

In the last session, Dr. Jumana Al-Aama, a geneticist, discussed marriage from a genetic point of view and spoke about the importance of premarital tests. She said that a father once brought his child to her clinic and asked her why his child has a hereditary disease although he and his wife underwent premarital tests? She said that the premarital test, which became obligatory after a royal decree in 2003, only tests for anemia and thelaysemia, not all hereditary diseases.

“Those two diseases are the most common in Saudi Arabia especially in the Eastern Province and Jizan,” she said. “A couple will be told the results of the test. However, they can’t be prevented from marriage if it is shown that there is an issue of negative compatibility. They’re only warned,” she said.

Dr. Al-Aama said the sooner incompatibility is discovered the better. She believes that tests must be done even before couples become engaged to ensure the marriage is well thought through.

AB Withheld62@yahoo. com "For to us will be their return; then it will be for us to call them to account." (Holy Quran 88:25-26)

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