How to deal with father's apprehension about abaya/jilbab.

How to deal with father's apprehension about abaya/jilbab. and
parent's
expression of 'you are becoming too religious'?
_____

Answered by Shaykh Nazim Mangera

Question:

Recently I decided that I wanted to start wearing the abaya, but the
problem
is that my father doesn't allow me to wear it. He says we should
wear like
the people of the country wear so abayas should be worn in Saudi
Arabia
only! He also said that we will be scaring non-Muslims away by
wearing like
that. And he's also afraid that I'm becoming more religious too
fast, he's
afraid I'm going to hurt myself. Whenever I try to talk to my father
about
this, he always gets angry and shouts at me and I always end up
crying and
just leaving the issue. I don't want to cause any problems, that's
why I'm
not insisting too much and maybe I can wait a bit until I get
married to a
pious brother who will help me become more pious and encourage me
instead of
discourage me from doing so. And meanwhile I can wear clothes that
will
cover me as much as possible. But I just want to know whether my
father is
right or whether I'm right and whether or not it's wrong to wear an
abaya in
Canada. My father is a very religious person except when it comes to
small
things like music and TV, but otherwise he prays a lot and does a
lot of
tasbih and reads the qur'an a lot, mashallah.

This issue is really hurting me a lot... I'm very confused right
now, and I
feel so sad because I'm not trying to do something bad, I thought
parents
should be happy when their sons and daughters think of doing
something good
and not get angry at them and start screaming at them.
_____

Assalamu Alaikum,

For the fiqh aspect of the answer, please view the following two
links:

Wearing Jilbab & Upset Parent
http://www.sunnipat h.com/resources/ Questions/ qa00001338. aspx

Is the Jilbab (outer garment) Obligatory?
http://www.sunnipat h.com/resources/ Questions/ qa00002154. aspx

As far as wisdom goes in trying to implement Islam in our lives, it
is
extremely necessary that we use wisdom when we try to implement
something
new in our lives. You should realize that everybody will not be on
the same
level of Iman. Many times, if it is done incorrectly, then it will
lead to
broken relationships between the immediate family members as well as
between
the relatives. If you are not sure what to do in any situation,
consult
your local traditional scholars like you have done correctly through
this
email. But this email should have been sent as soon as you realized
that
you were having arguments about the abaya/jilbab issue with your
father.
You will face this situation many times in your future life as you
take a
spiritual path towards Allah. In every situation, seek the counsel
of
Islamic scholars in matters pertaining to Islam. Don't leave it
till when
things go out of control because at times, the damage will be
irreparable.

Allah knows best.
Nazim Mangera