'Aishah bint Abu Bakr and Her Marriage

'Aishah bint Abu Bakr and Her Marriage







'A'ishah, who was she? She was the wife of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.), the love of the Prophet (P.B.U.H .), the only virgin of the wives whom the Prophet married. Whose daughter was she? Daughter of the great Caliph, Abu Bakr, the trustworthy, close friend of the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.)… the second of two, if in the cave… the one about whom the Prophet said one day, "No money has benefited me as much as the money of Abu Bakr when he donates it for the sake of Allah". When Abu Bakr heard this he cried and replied, "Me and my money are for you, O messenger of Allah". This is her father.



'A'ishah is the person who has narrated the most hadith's about the Prophet (P.B.U.H.). 'A'ishah is the one whom Allah cleared by sending verses of the Qur'an from the seventh heaven declaring her innocence, a lady, a lady who tasted injustice... a whole chapter was sent to declare her innocence. She said, "I swear by Allah, all I wanted was the Prophet to see a vision in his sleep…" No! The Qur'an was sent down… so that we can know the value of 'A'ishah and the value of a woman in Islam. 'A'ishah whom through her Allah passed on the knowledge to the Muslims, generation after generation. So she is the most knowledgeable of Muslims of what is permissible and what is prohibited, higher than the Arabs, through poetry, manners and the Qur'an, translation and Fiqh … and who is saying these things about her? The companions of the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.). This is 'A'ishah we are saying these things so that you can get a feel for who she was, 'A'ishah, the love of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.), the daughter of the Caliph the sister of Asma' bint Abu Bakr. Can you imagine what kind of atmosphere she was bought up in?



Who is her mother? Her mother is Um Roman, who was the second wife of Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr had two wives before Islam, one called Katila who gave birth to Asma' bint Abu Bakr and 'Abdullah ibn Abu Bakr. As for Um Roman she gave birth to our 'A'ishah and 'Abdul Rahman ibn Abu Bakr. So based on this information we know that 'A'ishah and Asma' are from different mothers but with the same father who is Abu Bakr. Um Roman became a Muslim and immigrated, travelled from Makkah to Madinah with the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) and was buried in Madinah, so she was alive at the time our 'A'ishah was accused and after that she passed away and the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) was the one who buried and prayed on her and he went down in her grave and said, 'Oh Allah, You know what Um Roman has found for the sake of your religion and for the sake of your Prophet". Can you imagine when he was burying her, this being said… the Prophet being a witness and telling Allah how much this lady sacrificed; so this was Um Roman and the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) was with her.



'A'ishah also had brothers and sisters, 'Abdul Rahman and 'Abdullah and Asma'. 'Abdul Rahman, who was her full brother, became Muslim quite late. So Abu Bakr and his family, his first wife Katila rejected Islam and Abu Bakr divorced her and his son. Can you imagine the house of Abu Bakr which had Asma', 'A'ishah and 'Abdullah and also another called 'Abul Rahman who also rejected Islam and fought against the Muslims in the battle of Badr and in the battle of Uhud and he didn't become Muslim except in the treaty of Hudaybah, where Makkah was opened to Islam. This is her full brother



Now, let's look at some details of our 'A'ishah;



• She was born five years after Muhammad became a Prophet. At the time when the Prophet was 45 years of age.

• She was engaged to the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) at the age of seven.

• She married the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) at the age of nine.

• The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) passed away when she was eighteen years old.



By the way, today's story is targeted at young ladies, truly you'll see points in the story today and know we are talking to young ladies around twenty years old and we are also talking to their families. The story is targeted at young ladies because the story of 'A'ishah is the story of a young lady, who was hard working and who loved life in a pure and sensible way. It shows our daughters that there is no barrier to going out and seeing the world and enjoying life as well as worshipping Allah and being a good Muslim. There is nothing stopping you to love someone but in a permissible way. So the story of 'A'ishah speaks to this age group.



The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) died when she was eighteen years old. She kept going; spreading the knowledge and all her experiences with the Prophet was until the age of eighteen, she continued working for the Islamic nation passing on the knowledge after he passed away for 47 years. She died at the age of 66, on the 17th of Ramadan in the year 67 Hijri.



So she lived after the Prophet for 47 years, and she lived with the Prophet eight or nine years. We said she died on the 17th of Ramadan… who else died on the 17th of Ramadan? 'Ali ibn Abi Talib passed away on that same day, the 17th of Ramadan. These dates, write them so you can know them.



Hawla bint Hakeem was the wife of 'Othman ibn 'Ob'om. Khawala bint Hakeem went after the death of Khadijah to the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) and said to him, "Oh Prophet of Allah, will you not get married?" So the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) cried and was silent for a long time and she says "Until I saw the tears of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) and he looked at me and said, 'And is there after Khadijah a person?" So I replied 'Yes, Oh Prophet of Allah, who will be there for the home and children?' He replied, 'Then who?' So she told them there was a young girl and another lady. The Prophet asked who the lady was, and she replied, 'Sawda bint Gam'a'. He then asked, 'Who is the young girl?' and she replied, 'The daughter of one of the closest people to you, 'A'ishah bint Abu Bakr' and he replied, 'Go and mention me to them'". So she went and started with Sawda and then come let's see when she went to Abu Bakr's house...



She entered and didn't find him. She found the mother and 'A'ishah present and she said to the mother, "Be happy, for this is the best day for you since your mother gave birth to you". She knew how to open the subject, clever lady. The mother asked why. Khawala replied, "The Prophet of Allah ( P.B.U.H.) has sent me to you, to ask for 'A'ishah's hand." Can you imagine how words like these can affect a mother? The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) is coming to marry her daughter. What would the reaction of her mother be? What was Abu Bakr's reaction? Let's see how nice it was. Abu Bakr was not present so Um Roman asked her to wait until they told Abu Bakr. Abu Bakr returned and was told, he replied, "Wait for me, I cannot give you an answer now." What? Are you imagining this, the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) has sent to marry your daughter and you don't want to reply now! Why? You know if the West knew we had such values and manners since one thousand four hundred years ago, he waited because a non believer, Mus'ab ibn 'Ali, had spoken to Abu Bakr as he wanted the hand of 'A'ishah and I had told him there was no objection. So he could not agree to the marriage with Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) until he asked for the permission of or reject Mus'ab ibn 'Ali first.



See the manners? Can you see what kind of a person Abu Bakr was? It is enough his stand in this situation. Today we such things in our countries... we see families who accept a groom then after a month when someone richer offers marriage, what happens to the first groom? Where's the value of a promise or agreement? What happened to keeping a promise? There are people who sign contracts and they put in the terms and conditions a part where they can escape from the contract if they wish to at a later stage. Where are the people who look to keeping a promise or sticking to an agreement while they are signing? Where are the people who when they are signing the contract of marriage, standing in front of everyone, he says, "I marry you based on the book of Allah..." Do you know the meaning of what you're saying? When he intends all along to do such and such a thing to her; to take such and such things from her... etc. Do you know how tough the contract which you have married her with is? Based on the book of Allah and the teachings of the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.)? Words you are saying but do you understand what the words mean? Keep to our words, people! The word that comes out of your mouth, oh youth… we have become so used to cheating in exams, with teachers helping us that we have found it is so easy, so the whole world for us has become like that. Cheating in exams is the first training and thing we learn which teaches us the lack of achievement and value. It's crucial. It's not a case of, "I want to pass". You're not going to fail, you can achieve passing! It's a case of sincerity.



See Abu Bakr? Normally when someone asks for the hand of a daughter what happens to a father? But this man had given his word! So when he deals with Mus'ab ibn 'Ali, then he will return with an answer, learn from this. Learn how to deal with non believers! Please remember that at this stage marriage to a non Muslim was not forbidden yet. But look at how to deal with non believers. We see in the West now, on the underground for example, a Muslim guy, cutting and writing on the chairs and he says, 'They are non believers'... He'd want to get away with not paying for his ticket on the underground and he'll say "They are non believers; I don't have to follow their system." 'Non believers'! Can you see how Abu Bakr used to treat the non believers? In Islam we have completeness in our manners, whether we are dealing with Muslims, non believers or even the enemy, we have complete manners. The Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) when he was sending armies to open countries to Islam, starting battles, we have manners of war. The rest of the world never developed manners of war until the atomic bomb. War was war, it meant destruction, it meant killing. Look at the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.), he's sending an army to them and what does he tell them? "Do not kill a mother, do not kill a woman, do not kill a old man, do not burn a plant, do not destroy a house, do not cut a tree, do not destroy a place of worship, you will see men devoting their selves to worship (monks, nuns, etc) so do not approach them" And look at the last one it's very nice, "Do not attack them by night". This is a war, why not? "So that you do not shock or scare the women and children". How can this religion constantly be accused of being bad? Did you see Abu Bakr? Who wouldn't answer until he spoke with Mus'ab ibn 'Ali, and decide on what they wanted to do. Oh Abu Bakr, you have taught us the meaning and value of keeping a promise, of sincerity.



So Abu Bakr went to Mus'ab ibn 'Ali, he wasn't going trying to get rid of him, he was going to see a solution to the situation. So he entered and he found Mus'ab ibn 'Ali's mother sitting there, and subhan Allah, because his intention was clear, the mother opened the subject and said, "Do you want to take our son, and make him enter your religion, Abu Bakr? I swear by God our son will never be one of you." So sensible Abu Bakr approached Mus3ab's father and said, "This is what your wife has said, what do you say?" This is Abu Bakr! The father replied, "I say like what she has said." So they agreed to dissolve the matter. In this case the marriage would be relaxed, would be blessed. Some people divorce and marry others, etc. How do they expect Allah to bless them? Do you think Allah will bless there kids?



In marriage we should choose the best of ways, because this is the building blocks for life. What foundations will you have for your building? Anything in life takes a long time... What will you raise your children on?



Why Did The Prophet Marry Her Young?



So Abu Bakr returned and said to Khawala bint Hakeem, "Tell the Prophet of Allah to come, tell him welcome, tell him to come and become engaged to 'A'ishah". So the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) went and became engaged to 'A'ishah. 'A'ishah at that time was seven years old. The Prophet (P.B.U.H.) was engaged to her at seven years and he married her when she was nine so she was very young. The West says, he married a child, don't they? And the Muslims when they are told this get embarrassed, there faces become red, and they don't know how to answer, they start stuttering. We want to answer this common question. We have two points to answer here, first about her age and second about why he married her in the first place. We'll answer the second point after a while, but let's address the first. How did he marry her when she was that young? In hot climates it is well known, that a girl reaches puberty and develops at a very young age and ages very young also, whereas in colder climates the opposite occurs. This means that at nine years old 'A'ishah had become a woman, fully developed physically and emotionally. A woman is not just dictated by age, but instead by her development both physically and emotionally.



At that time it was normal for girls to get married at this age, and her previous offer of marriage to a non believer is further evidence for this. Another example of Hafsa ibn ' Omar who married for the first time when she was twelve. Another example is 'Abdul Mutallib, the grandfather of the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) married Hala who was the same age as Aminah bint Wahb. So this was normal for the Arabs in that time and not just within the Arabs. This was also accepted and common amongst the Jews, the leader of the Jews, Hulai in Ahtal, he was the reason for the battle of Khandak. The first marriage of his daughter Saffiya was to one of the Jews before she became a Muslim. She was at that time eleven years old, and in some accounts it says ten years old. This was accepted in those days… also another point is, when did this start being questioned? Only within the last sixty years. If this was truly an issue it would have first been questioned at the time, not a single book questions this.



Another point is that society changes. For example, in Egypt around twenty or twenty five years ago, the typical age for a woman being married was eighteen to twenty years old. If a woman was not married by the age of twenty five people would start getting worried, what's wrong? Why isn't she married? So it was very unusual but now the normal age is twenty five and thirty. If a girl was to marry at the age of eighteen, it would be looked on as unusual. This change took place in matter of twenty years, so we shouldn't be embarrassed of the norms of what existed one thousand and four hundred years ago.



An English Historian stated, "At that age 'A'ishah was fully developed, through fast development which was present amongst the Arab women of the time and where they would start to age during the late twenties. But this marriage has troubled many people about Muhammad. This is because they look upon the marriage as if it is in the present day, not taking into account the context of this marriage and that it was an accepted event. They do not consider that this trend is still present in Europe and Asia, until this very day. This was common in Spain and Portugal until recent years. Even in these times it is not uncommon. In some mountainous areas in the United States of America, it still exists." I wanted to share that with you, because even the historian is saying this, we should not be ashamed of the age of 'A'ishah when she married.



I don't want anyone to misunderstand my words and think that at the age of eighteen etc, they can come and say they want to get married to such and such a person. I've explained that it is the context and trends of the times that dictate the correct time of marriage for a girl. We follow the trends of the times, as long as they do not contradict with our beliefs. If the trends show that the similarity in age between husband and wife is important, then we should follow that. A girl now at nine years, is still a child. We respect our climates and our environment.





Now why did the Prophet marry her? Why did he choose her?



He married her at 2 A.H, the beginning of the Shari'ah and the laws of Islam were being established. He married her young so that she can inherit and pass on Islam in the same detail to generation after generation of Muslims until Judgement Day. So that until this day Muslims can learn through tajweed how to pronounce letters just the way the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) used to recite. To pass on details such as how he used to sit while praying, how he used to move his fingers… so that we can know how to follow his example exactly. What did he use to do in Umrah? In Hajj? What was he like at home? How did he spend his time? How were we going to receive these details?



A young woman was needed. Young people have high capacity for memory, and concentration, they ask questions, etc. For example the supplications for the Night of Power, (Lailat Al Qadr) who told us about it? "Allahuma inak 'Afowan toheb al'afo fa 'afo 'ana. She is the one who passed it to us. She asked the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) what to us on such a night he taught it to her and we will say it until the Day of Judgement. When the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) was reciting the Qur'an, she would ask him about the meanings of the verses. For example, "Walazina ya'ton ma 'tow wakulobuhum wagila"; the people who do what they do and there hearts are shaking, she asked him whether this was referring to thieves and people who were sinning and he corrected her and told her that it was talking of the worshippers who prayed and fasted and donate for the sake of Allah but there hearts are shaking because they were unsure as to whether Allah would accept there worship. She gave us a meaning to that verse that none of the companions had understood until she asked.



A lady asked the Prophet (P.B.U.H.), "What should I do when menstruating?" and the Prophet replied. When the women still didn't understand 'A'ishah took her and showed her. She asked the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) whether there would be a day on the day of judgement when a person would not remember there family. And he replied that there were three places where this would happen on the bridge, on the scales and when the books would be given out. This is our mother 'A'ishah.



Well, the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) could have taken a young child and taught him such things. Women are more precise and would be his wife so that all of the details of the Prophets life would be available; women ask a lot of questions so she is at ease as his wife to ask as much as she can and so find out a lot. If it was a young boy, there would be area's where he would feel embarrassed to ask, but 'A'ishah wouldn't be. She explains to us how a man should treat his wife when she is menstruating. . She gives us a snap shot, when she was menstruating she drank from a cup of water and the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) took the cup, looked for where she had placed her lips and drank from exactly the same place. This is how he treated her when she was menstruating, so what about all the other days?



Okay so let's summarise, why did the Prophet marry her young? So she could live after him for many years. See how Allah protected our religion? Allah said He has created the Qur'an as a reminder for people and He will protect it. So that includes creating and protecting the people that will and have passed on the message, and our mother 'A'ishah was part of that. She lived after the death of the Prophet 47 years. The things that took place between 2 and 10 A.H. from the age of 9 until the age of 18, is what she passed on and worked on for the remaining 47 years. It was necessary so the message would be passed on to us, like it happened, and like it was present in the days of the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.). This is why she never had kids. Did you realise she never had kids? Why not? She was so young but it was so that she would be free to carry the massage and to pass on the knowledge she had learned. A woman played a major role to preserving Islam. A woman is valued in Islam.



In order to preserve Islam and to preserve the Islamic nation (Ummah), the four Caliphs that came after the Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) needed to have tight relations, marriage relations with the Prophet (P.B.U.H.). Two of these four married the daughters of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) and the other two the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) married there daughters. The Prophet married 'A'ishah bint Abu Bakr and Hafsa bint ' Omar. 'Othman married Rukaya and Um kalthoom and 'Ali married Fatima. These are the people that were to lead the Ummah for the first important thirty years. So they had to be as close as possible and that was through marriage. The Prophet ( P.B.U.H.) married in two ways, as Muhammad the man and as Muhammad the Messenger. He only married as a man once and that was to Khadijah, his first wife, all the other times it was as Muhammad the Messenger. Even though with 'A'ishah we will see that a love developed between them, originally the marriage was as Muhammad the messenger. There are authentic hadiths that prove that Muhammad ( P.B.U.H.) married 'A'ishah after an order from Allah. There is a hadith that says, "Know 'A'ishah that I have seen you in my sleep before I married you, for three nights", three consecutive nights for a Prophet is truth. Angel Gabriel (Jibreel) would come to him with a piece of silk, when he would uncover it, he would find 'A'ishah's picture and the angel said, "This is your wife in this world and the hereafter". So is this an order from Allah or not? Why? Because Allah said He will protect the Qur'an, and that it is a reminder for mankind.



These were the reasons for the marriage of the Prophet (P.B.U.H.) to 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her.



'A'ishah is an example to every young woman who loves life but who worships Allah and loves Islam





He engaged her when she was seven years old and married her when she was nine. This was normal at that time. Women were matured at this age. This is related to the desert environment where woman mature earlier than other places like Europe.



When the Prophet emigrated to Madinah with Abu Bakr, their families stayed in Makkah. They were the last Muslims to emigrate from Makkah. When they went to Madinah 'A'ishah was eight years old. The Prophet and 'A'ishah were married in the month of Shawwal.



Some people think that lively, romantic and playful girls that have a sense of humor can not be religious. They think that it is hard for religion, fun and love to be in one character. But we will learn from the story of 'A'ishah that love and tender can exist in the life of religious people but only after marriage. So one can live so happily and be religious at the same time.



Before her marriage, 'A'ishah was so slim and her mother used to feed her so that she would get fatter. On their wedding day, 'A'ishah was playing on a seesaw with her girl friends when her mother called her. Her mother went with her to some Ansar women. Inside the house there were some ladies who dressed her and made her ready.



The Prophet then invited his guests to some food and milk. He gave the milk to little girls by himself. When they were shy to take it and said they were not hungry, the Prophet told them that they should not lie or feel hungry. Then all the guests left the house except her sister Asma'. The Prophet came and gave some milk to 'A'ishah who was too shy to take it. But finally she took it after Asma' told her to do. Their house was so simple. It contained one bed and one pillow. The Prophet could have the best home in the world but he wanted to give us a lesson on plainness and simplicity.



Her dowry was only 500 dirham, which was so little. The Prophet said, "The best women are those of the least dowries."



Anas Ibn Malek said that the first love he saw in Islam was the love between 'A'ishah and the Prophet. Anas were living in Madinah so he didn't see Khadejah that is why he didn't see the love between the Prophet and her. When 'Amar Ibn Yasser had heard someone speaking badly about 'A'ishah. He ordered him to shut up and never to speak like this about the Prophet's darling.



Once 'Amr Ibn El'aas returned from a battle, the Prophet welcomed him so warmly. He asked the Prophet whom he loved most, thinking that he would say "you". But the Prophet said that he loved 'A'ishah the most. That was in front of all his companions. 'Amr told him that he meant the most loved men not women. So the Prophet said that he loved her father Abu Bakr the most. 'Amr kept asking him, "Who else?" The Prophet said, ' Omar Ibn El Khattab then 'Othman Ibn 'Affan then 'Ali Ibn Abu Taleb, then Talha, he mentioned twenty names, not including 'Amr's name.



'A'ishah used to ask the Prophet how much he loved her. He told her that he loved her like a knob in the rope. So she was asking him from time to time "How is the knob?" and he always assured her that it was just the same. See how romantic they were. Do we see now this romance in our lives? That was because they have a common target to work on, which was serving God and Islam.



It was well known that the Prophet loved 'A'ishah. When the people wanted to give a present to the Prophet, they gave it to him on the day that he stayed with 'A'ishah. That made the rest of his wives feels jealous. They went to Um Salama who was very wise, they told her to speak with the Prophet about this. Um Salama talked with the Prophet and told him that his wives were sad and asked him to tell the people to distribute their presents fairly on the days of the week. The Prophet said that he loved 'A'ishah so much and that he had revelation from god in her house. The house of 'A'ishah was called the land of revelation as Angel Gabriel (Jibreel) always came to the Prophet when he was in 'A'ishah's house.



Um Salama returned to the Prophet's wives and told them what he said. They then went to Fatima, the Prophet's daughter, and asked her to talk to the Prophet about this. When she spoke with him, he asked her if she loved him and loved whom he loved. She said yes. So he told her to love 'A'ishah. She returned to his wives and swore that she would never speak with him again about this matter. She really loved her very much and 'A'ishah was the nearest one from his wives to her heart. So our religion does not forbid love but we must love in the right time and way.



Let's talk now about their life style. One day, on Eid, there were some Abyssinians playing with their spears in the mosque. 'A'ishah wanted to watch them. So the Prophet took her beside the door. She put her head over his shoulders and watched them. The Prophet kept on asking her if she got enough, and she kept on answering, "Not yet". Until she got bored and told him that it was enough. This shows how much he was patient and loving.



One day he took her on a trip and told her to race him. She won the race. So he kept on feeding her for a whole week, then they went out again and raced again. This time the Prophet won.



He always called her by her nick name 'A'ish.



During her menstrual period, the Prophet did nice things to cheer her up. One time she was drinking water; he took the glass from her hands and put his lips on the glass on the place of her lips. Even when she did anything wrong, he was so patient.



One day 'A'ishah was jealous of Hafsa who was preparing a big bowl of meat and food for the Prophet and his companions. The Prophet was happy and invited his companions. 'A'ishah was jealous, she came and kicked the bowl with her leg and the bowl broke with all the food inside splattered across the floor. Imagine if anyone has faced this situation with his wife in front of his friends, what will he do?



The Prophet just knelt down and collected the food from the ground. He then looked at his companions and said, "Your mother is jealous". He said "your mother" to remind them that she was like their mother and they had to excuse her.



He forgave her but he told her that that bowl belonged to Hafsa and it was broken, so she had to bring another one for Hafsa. 'A'ishah felt so grateful and asked him to forgive her. So the situation ended, the Prophet was so merciful.



One day they had an argument. They chose Abu Bakr to judge between them. When Abu Bakr came, 'A'ishah told the Prophet to say the truth and nothing but the truth. Abu Bakr was so angry of the way she spoke to the Prophet and wanted to hit her. The Prophet stood between them and told him that they didn't bring him to do that. So Abu Bakr left. 'A'ishah felt that she was so weak. The Prophet tried to joke with her, he said, "Have you seen how I stood between you and him?" She laughed and Abu Bakr heard her laugh. He returned back to them and asked them to share their happiness with him as they had shared their sadness.



The Prophet told her, "I know when you are happy with me and when you are angry. When you are happy you swear by saying God of Muhammad. When you are angry you swear by God of Ibrahim." She agreed on that and said that when she was angry with him, she only stopped saying his name but she never stopped loving him.



This is our mother 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. Ameen