Why will no one marry me to one of their daughters?
His name was unusual and incomplete. Julaybib (ra- may Allah be pleased with him) which means, "small grown". It is the diminutive form of the word "Jilbab". The name is an indication that Julaybib (ra) was small and short. More than that, he is described as being "damam" which means ugly, deformed, or of repulsive appearance. Even more disturbing, for the society in which he lived, Julaybib's (ra) lineage was not known. There is no record of who his mother and father were, or to what tribe he belonged. This was considered a serious disability in his society. Julaybib (ra) could not expect any compassion, protection, or support from a society that placed a great deal of importance on family and tribal connections.
Julaybeeb (ra) was disfigured. He had a hunch back and his face was described as being ‘ugly’. When he was not yet a Muslim, he took refuge in the company of women because the men mocked him. He slept under trees and roamed from one discomfort to the other.
There was a poor and weak person. He wore a torn garment with many patches on it. He was barefoot and hungry. Along with his having an obscure lineage, he possessed no status, wealth, or family. Without a roof to shelter him, he would sleep in the mosque and drink from public fountains. His pillow was his own arm and his mattress was the uneven, rough ground beneath him. But he always remembered his Lord and he was constantly reciting the verses of Allah's book. He would not be absent from the first row in prayer or the front lines of struggling for the sake of Allah.
One day he met the Messenger of Allah (saw) and asked:"O Messenger of Allah (saw), would I be able to enter Paradise even though my face is disfigured?" Yes, replied the Prophet (saw). He then asked: "O Messenger of Allah, why will no one marry me to one of their daughters?"
With Julaybib (ra) in mind, the Prophet (saw) went to one of the Ansar (this particular Ansari was from a noble household with an esteemed family) and said: I want to have your daughter married.
"How wonderful and blessed, O Messenger of Allah (saw), and what a delight to the eye (this would be)," replied the Ansari man with obvious joy and happiness.
I do not want her for myself, added the Prophet (saw).
"Then for whom, O Messenger of Allah?" asked the man. The Prophet replied: "to Julaybeeb (ra)".
The Ansari must have been too shocked to give his own reaction so he replied: "I will consult with her mother."
"The Messenger of Allah (saw) wants to have your daughter married", he told his wife.
She was thrilled. "What a wonderful idea and what a delight to the eye (this would be)," she said.
"He does not want to marry her himself, but he wants to marry her to Julaybib (ra)," he added.
She was flabbergasted! "To Julaybib (ra)? No, never to Julaybib (ra)! No, by the Living Allah, we shall not marry (her) to him." she protested. As the Ansari was about to return to the Prophet (saw) to inform him of what his wife had said, the daughter, who had heard her mother's protestations, asked: "Who has asked to marry me?"
Her mother told her of the Prophet's (saw) request to marry her to Julaybib (ra). When she heard that the request had come from the Prophet (saw), and that her mother was absolutely opposed to the idea, she was greatly perturbed and said: "Do you refuse the request of the Messenger of Allah Ta'ala? Send me to him, for he shall certainly not bring ruin to me."
This was the reply of a truly great person who had a clear understanding of what was required of her as a Muslim. What greater satisfaction and fulfillment can a Muslim find than in responding willingly to the requests and commands of the Messenger of Allah Ta'ala! Truly, this companion of the Prophet (saw), even though we do not know her name, set an example for all of us to obey the Quranic command:
Whenever Allah and His Messenger have decided a matter, it is not for a believing man or woman to claim freedom of choice in so far as this matter is concerned. And he who disobeys Allah and His Messenger has, most obviously, gone astray. [Al-Ahzab 33:36]
It is said that the Ansari girl read the verse to her parents and said: "I am satisfied, and submit myself to whatever Allah's Messenger (saw) deems good for me."
The Prophet (saw) heard of her reaction and prayed for her: `O Lord, bestow good on her in abundance and make not her life one of toil and trouble.'
It is said that among the Ansar, there was not a more eligible bride than her. She was married by the Prophet (saw) to Julaybib (ra), and they lived together until he was killed. He went on an expedition with the Prophet (saw), and an encounter with some mushrikin (pagans) ensued. When the battle was over, the Prophet (saw) asked his companions: Have you lost anyone? They named their relatives or close friends who were killed. Another group answered that they had lost no close relative whereupon the Prophet (saw') said: ‘‘I have lost a member of my family… I have lost Julaybeeb (ra). Search for him.’ Julaybeeb (ra) was found. There were seven mushrikeen dead in a circle around him. Julaybeeb had cuts everywhere on his body. He had fought seven people simultaneously and then died from his wounds. The prophet (saw), eyes tearing, placed Julaybeeb in his arms and cried. He said: ‘Julaybeeb is a part of me and I am a part of him, he was an orphan and so am I.’
The Prophet (saw) placed Julaybeeb's head on his lap, the blessed tears of the Prophet (saw) flowed from his gentle eyes onto the blessed face of Julaybeeb (ra). With Julaybeeb's (ra) head on his lap and said: "you are from me and I am from you..." And the Messenger of Allah (saw) repeated this three times - "You are from me and I am from you..." The Prophet was then seen smilling and then he turned his face.
The companions asked the Prophet: "O Messenger of Allah, we have seen you do something today which we have never seen you do before. You cried, then smiled and then you turned away."
The Prophet replied: "I cried out of the love that I have for our beloved brother, Julaybeeb (ra). I smiled because I then saw Julaybeeb in Paradise. I then turned away as I saw the wives (maidens of jannah) of Julaybeeb running towards him so fast that their ankles became uncovered."
Prophet (saw) then dug for him a grave, and himself placed him in it. The Prophet of Allah (saw) did not wash him, for the one slain in the Way of Allah is not washed before burial. Julaybib (ra) and his wife are not among the companions of the Prophet whose deeds of obedience and valor are well known. The little that is known about them demonstrates how the meek and the humble were given hope and dignity by the Prophet (saw) - where once there was only despair and self-debasement.
The attitude of the unknown and unnamed Ansari girl, who readily agreed to be the wife of a physically unattractive man, reflected a profound understanding of Islam. It reflected the effacement of personal desires and preferences, even when she could have counted on the support of her parents. It reflected a total disregard for social norms and pressures. It reflected, above all, a ready and unshakable confidence in the wisdom and authority of the Prophet (saw) in submitting herself to whatever he deemed good. This is indeed the attitude of the true believer.
In Julaybib (ra) there is the example of a person who was regarded as a social outcast because of his mere appearance. Given confidence by his faith in Allah, the Glorious, and encouragement by the noble Prophet (SAW), he was able to perform great acts of courage. This led to the commendation which should be the desire of every believer: the commendation of the Prophet of Allah (SAW) : He is of me, and I am of him".
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