An English Professor wrote the words,
"WOMAN without her MAN is NOTHING" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "WOMAN, without her MAN, is NOTHING."
The women wrote: "WOMAN: Without her, MAN is NOTHING."
(So You See, It's all in the punctuation)
A Husband’s Authority in Islam
Adil Salahi, Arab News
Question
My husband insists that I should obey him whatever he tells me, and he imposes on me a very strict code, requiring me to wear hijab in front of other women who are even related to me. He speaks ill of my mother, which I find very hard. If I am ill and need to see a doctor, he says that only when he feels that I should see a doctor, he will take me to see one. He says that my parents have nothing to do with me any more, because, now that I am married, everything is deferred to him. No one else has any business with me. If he wants to beat me up, he could do so because he is the man. If he comes home and finds me reading the Qur’an, he interrupts me and says that nothing of my prayers or reading is acceptable unless he is happy with me, and he never says that he is happy with me. Please comment.
Answer
Some people give themselves much more than their due, hoping that in this way they can gain an unfair advantage over those with whom they deal. When this takes place between man and wife, it leads to a very unhappy home. It is bad for the man, wife and children. If the lady reader’s complaint is true in all its details — and she has given me more details than I have reproduced — then she has a very hard time with him. Unfortunately, some men are like that. They take one or two Hadiths out of context to give themselves an authority that does not belong to them. They not only misinterpret these Hadiths, but their actions are in stark contrast with Qur’anic teachings.
Let us take one or two examples: God says in the Qur’an: “Consort with them in a goodly manner.” (4: 19) This statement by God should be the foundation of marital relations. The phrase “goodly manner” is inadequate to express all the meaning of the Arabic term used by God. It indicates all that is good in personal treatment. How can a man who listens to this order by God say to his wife that he could beat her up at will? Would he have considered this a “goodly manner” if, as a child, he had a cruel father who beat him up without justification? The Prophet says: “Take good care of women.” This man says that he decides when his wife needs to see a doctor. He prefers to save the doctor’s fee, leaving his wife enduring pain and ill health, simply because he is the man. Is he acting on the Prophet’s order when he acts in this way? Is he taking good care of her?
Moreover, God describes marriage as a solemn pledge given by men to women. This is clearly stated in Verse 21 of Surah 4. He uses the same words in describing the pledge He takes from His senior messengers: Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them all). The pledge in the case of marriage requires men to take good care of women and to look after them well, ensuring their wellbeing. The husband of this lady reader fails miserably in honoring his pledge, if what she describes is true. The way he treats her seems to disregard her feelings and to negate her personality altogether.
Not only so, but this man wants to make God’s pleasure with his wife subject to his own satisfaction. What an enormity he is saying? He decides for God whether her prayer or worship is acceptable! That can only be said by a fool or a conceited person who shows no proper respect of God.
My advice to this lady reader is to explain her situation to her parents. Let her father try to do something about it, perhaps with the help of someone respectable in her husband’s family. They should explain to this man that he is failing badly in his responsibility. They should also make it clear to him that unless he begins to mend his ways, treating his wife with all the respect and fairness Islam requires, then he risks the collapse of his marriage.
If this does not work, then she has to decide what course she should take. From the Islamic point of view, she may apply to a court of law to dissolve her marriage on grounds of abuse and ill treatment. If she proves her case, judgment will be granted in her favor and she gets a divorce with all her rights maintained.
Women in Islamic Society - Participation in Social Life
Dr. Abd Al-Haleem Abu Shuqqah
When we look at life in Islamic society during the lifetime of the Prophet (peace be upon him), trying to determine the attitude adopted by men and women in public life, we find numerous reports giving us a clear picture of social life at the time. Over the next few months, we will be giving some of these, but we will limit ourselves to Qur’anic texts and authentic Hadiths related only by Al-Bukhari and Muslim, since their two anthologies are universally agreed to be the most authentic. We will comment on these only when necessary. Before we do so, however, we need to make the following observations, defining our approach:
1. There is hardly an aspect of public or private life where Muslim men and women did not participate and mix during the Prophet’s lifetime.
2. Most of the texts we will be quoting speak of young or mature women, some of whom were indeed in the prime of youth. They do not speak of elderly women of the type mentioned in the Qur’anic verse that says: “Such elderly women as are past the prospect of marriage incur no sin if they lay aside their (outer) garments, provided they do not make a showy display of their charms. But it is better for them to be modest.” (24: 60)
3. Some texts may be quoted more than once, because they may cover different aspects, providing evidence to support a conclusion in each aspect.
4. Taken in totality, these texts prove that serious mixing that observes Islamic standards of propriety was the common practice approved by God’s Messenger. We could not find a single text discouraging social mixing that observes such propriety. We may add comments by some scholars endorsing the permissibility of mixing in all social situations. We do so in order to show that our view has been supported by eminent scholars throughout Islamic history.
5. Most texts we quote indicate that meeting between Muslim men and women was intended, and a matter of choice by both parties. Few texts speak of unintended meetings, and few others speak of meetings between Muslim men and non-Muslim women. We quote these in order to give a complete picture of the social life in the early Islamic society established by the Prophet.
6. The texts we will be quoting are widely varied in different respects. Some are definitive in their import while others may be subject to debate. We rely on the first type when stating a ruling. Some relate to events that took place prior to the revelation of the verse requiring the Prophet’s wives to remain behind a screen. Others relate to events after its revelation. Neither case is relevant to the import of the texts because the screening requirement applies only to the Prophet’s wives and no one else. Some texts are peculiar to the Prophet’s wives, while others are universal in their applicability. Some texts relate a meeting with the Prophet alone, or in the presence of one or more of his companions, while others refer to a meeting with one or more of the Prophet’s companions without his presence. Some mention a meeting of one woman with one man or more, and others mention a group of women meeting a man or several men. Some refer to a short, casual meeting while others to long and frequent meetings.
Because the duration and places of meetings are of much importance we point out four different levels of meetings:
* A casual short meeting at home to attend to an immediate business, such as a specific request, consultation, asking for help, a prayer, presenting a gift, visiting a sick person, offering condolences, etc.
* A casual short meeting in public, such as taking part in functions in the mosque, requesting a ruling on a specific case, offering advice, litigation, and speaking to those in authority.
* A long or frequent meeting at home, such as when paying a visit, offering hospitality, providing accommodation, or giving home help.
* A long or frequent meeting in public, such as participation in jihad, meetings during travel, taking part in social occasions or in some professional business.
We begin with two Hadiths mentioning exchange of greetings between men and women. Sahl, a companion of the Prophet, reported that some of the Prophet’s companions had something to look forward to on Fridays. When asked what was that he said:
“One of our elderly women used to send someone to the Buda’ah farm to bring her stems of some plants which she would put in a saucepan and add ground barley and cook them. When we finished our Friday prayer, we would greet her. She served us of her cooking and we were delighted with it. We neither had a nap nor eaten lunch before Friday prayer.” (Related by Al-Bukhari.)
Lady Ayesha reported: “The Prophet once told me: ‘Here is Gabriel extending greetings to you.’ I said: ‘And peace be to him, together with God’s grace and blessings. You, Prophet, see what we cannot see.’” (Related by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
It should be pointed out that Al-Bukhari enters these two Hadiths under the heading, ‘Greetings exchanged between men and women.’ Ibn Hajar, the author of Fath Al-Bari, a 14-volume commentary on Al-Bukhari’s anthology, points out that by entering these Hadiths under this heading, Al-Bukhari refutes the import of a Hadith related by Abd Al-Razzaq which states: “It is reprehensible that men and women should extend greetings.” This Hadith is very poor in authenticity. The two Hadiths entered by Al-Bukhari indicate that this is perfectly permissible. Another authentic Hadith, which does not meet Al-Bukhari’s criteria is related by Al-Tirmidhi on the authority of Asma bint Yazid: “The Prophet passed by us, a group of women, and greeted us.”
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